Song Non Dimenticar & “Come Near”

Non Dimenticar
means don’t forget you are my darling.
Don’t forget to be
all you mean to me.
Non dimenticar.

Tru here.  Have not had another wake-up song in past three months, but usually they are just musical phrases of melody playing in my head, with no words.  This morning however, there WERE words … this time with no melody; “non dimenticar”.

Mom and Dad had this song on a Jerry Vale record when I was growing up, and it has probably been 30 years since I’ve heard it.  So it’s been years since I have even thought of this song, but today I woke hearing the words “non dimenticar” in my head.  Began this blog entry 6am on Palm Sunday … and this year it is the day before Passover begins.

Dementia; the root verb of this phrase, “non dimenticar”, and a very large issue in my personal life.  Along with the strong reminder of Creator’s love, this song brings the question; in my time and efforts for dementia advocacy, have I been forgetting to “come near” for intimate time with my creator?

Come near !!

Command to “come near” is important in my life.  About 15 years ago I dedicated almost an entire year to language and context study of the scriptural imperative to “come near”.  For more than five hours every day, I studied those words in original languages, each scriptural use in context, accessed online articles, and bought some books to check out professional opinions.  Then one day my old newfoundland Service Dog, Hero (my first “Hero”) was hurting and whining for me to come sit with him.  He was asking me to drop everything and come close; just sit with him as a fellow being.  No touching and no words; just decision to spend time together.  So I did.  Then (like a light coming on) I realized what “come near” was all about.

The command “come near” is all about human volition;
decision to stop the world for spending time with Creator.
… and then DOING it.

After I learned to “come near”, Creator and I had some intensely intimate bonding time.  This bonding time has created the foundation and context for how I personally handle life with progressive dementia issues.

There is no sharing physical “touch” with a being who has no physical form, but there can be spiritual touch much more satisfying and intimate than holding hands or kissing.  And there can be communication without even the need for words in any form.  It is as much a “different” format of communication as body language is from written language.  Humanity might call it “primitive” because this communication has nothing we recognize as words, but it is even more richly nuanced … along with being profoundly intimate.  It can also be amazingly intense, with results that vary from exhaustion to complete relaxation or invigoration.

Now I need to go, because Creator is waiting for me.  ( … and waiting for YOU too!)

Non dimenticar means
don’t forget you are my darling.
Don’t forget to be
all you mean to me.
Non dimenticar my love is like a star,
my darling;
Shining bright and clear
just because you’re here.

Please do not forget
that our lips have met,
and I’ve held you tight, dear.
Was it dreams ago
my heart felt this glow?
Or only just tonight, dear?

Non dimenticar
although you travel far, my darling,
it’s my heart you own,
so I’ll wait alone.
Non dimenticar.

Se ci separ, se ci allontan
L’ala del destino.
Non ne ho colpa, no, e mi sentiro
sempre a te vicino.

Non dimenticar,
although you travel far,
my darling,
it’s my heart you own,
so I’ll wait alone.
Non dimenticar.

 Watch it here >>  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkH-KQgDokA

Creator’s love is the anchoring absolute for my life.  It is the lodestar of truth which anchors the circumstances in which I find myself, and guides my decisions.  Again, I need to go now, because Creator is waiting for me.  ( … and waiting for YOU too!)

…
* Admin issues: SHARE dementia awareness thru buttons below. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the form of comments, but please filter your comments with truthful loving kindness to all concerned. If interested in receiving notice of future blog postings, subscriptions are available through a “follow” button in the upper left corner (MS Explorer) or lower right (Safari, Mozilla Firefox and Chrome). If there is an advertisement below, I have no control over what is shown. My own full legal name is Truthful Loving Kindness. With the new terminology my current diagnosis is Mild Cognitive Impairment, but my neurologist said I am in a unique position for helping because I have “one foot in each door”. Copyright 2017-04/09. Tags are dementia, Non dimenticar, come near, meditation, Creator, music

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Praise; 18yrs SLOW

Prayer of thanksgiving;

My dementia Journey began 18 years ago when I was 41 years old; the last half of February, 1999.

That week was my first experiences of cognitive dys-abilities.
We had been married almost 7yrs.
Three of our four children were out of High School,
and I was currently Secretary to the Controller of National Health Plans.
But something happened and I could not operate tub faucet, spell daughter’s name, or recall recent events.  This is what I wrote:

 

i am  SCARED

God, this can’t be happening to me!

I’m still too young!

Malfunction of muscles and joints I can accept,

but not malfunction of my mind!

 

… i’m scared.

 

I thought I had time.

I thought I had a life of ministry ahead of me.

What if I never get better?

 

… i’m scared.

 

This isn’t what I had in mind for my life,

but is it what YOU had in mind all along?

It’s really hard to trust ANYONE

with something as precious as my memories!!

 

… But, how can I not trust you?

You are the ultimate in knowledge and love.

 

(But, … G0D, … i’m still scared.)

2/24/99 (41yo)

 First noted cognitive decline February 1999.  Cognitive abilities improved within several weeks, but did not return to their prior levels and the next year I lost my job, driver’s license, etc.  Both physical and Cognitive dys-abilities were my cause for SocSec disability status in 2000. Then I met my current doctor in 2001.

For 10 years he watched my cognitive abilities slowly further decline, then did the prelim MRI and blood tests for various nutrients that might be causing dementia symptoms BEFORE he gave the tentative dementia diagnosis. I must have received my tentative diagnosis almost exactly 6yrs ago, because i wrote this FaceBook entry on March 1, 2011.

March 1, 2011: “Steve Brown once said that he thinks every time an unbeliever gets cancer then a believer gets cancer also, so the world can see the difference. I imagine that is true of dementia also. I trust JHWH. Don’t panic on my behalf, please. Instead offer praise that we can put our confidence in His decisions, & praise that once again He has given us the opportunity to put our trust in Him & we can relax in that confidence.”

 

I can relax and put my trust that since He did not intervene and prevent this particular journey, then He will provide everything necessary to sustain every genuine NEED.  If I am truly listening, completely obeying, and whole-heartedly loving, then He will sustain me up until the best time to leave this earth … when i go on to what comes next.

… And so my cognitive abilities have continued to decline in these 6 years.

I thank G-d that my cognitive abilities have declined so very slowly. In some ways the decline has been torturously slow, with the awareness of grief process for each downward step, but slow enough for me to consciously develop further compensation strategies as I continue on this journey. This has also given me time to become very invested in various dementia advocacy projects.

I appreciate these gifts and will keep trying to use them wisely, honoring my maker, and honoring the path He did not prevent.  … The same path my grandmothers walked.

“I am from facing pain, loss – and death – with truth AND dignity.
I am from facing love, joy – and life – with kindness AND honesty.”
Truthful Loving Kindness
(closing statements of my 2007 prose at https://truthfulkindness.com/bnp/part-1/intro-from-tlk/ )

* Admin issues: SHARE dementia awareness thru buttons below. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the form of comments, but please filter your comments with truthful loving kindness to all concerned. If interested in receiving notice of future blog postings, subscriptions are available through a “follow” button in the upper left corner (MS Explorer) or lower right (Safari, Mozilla Firefox and Chrome). If there is an advertisement below, I have no control over what is shown. My own full legal name is Truthful Loving Kindness. With the new terminology my current diagnosis is Mild Cognitive Impairment, but my neurologist said I am in a unique position for helping because I have “one foot in each door”. Copyright 2017-03/02. Tags are dementia, Creator, G0d, praise, fear.

Wake-Up Songs; “Be Still My Soul”

This morning I awoke hearing a melody in my head.  Like the last time I woke to this tune, almost 10 years ago in late 2007, could not remember any words that went with the melody I was hearing.

Last time I heard this song as a wake-up melody, I sang Mom the tune that woke me.  Someone in the room with her recognized that I was humming “Be Still My Soul”.  They sang the lyrics for me.

1. Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

2. Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

4. Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

by Catharina von Schlegel, 1697-? and  Translated by Jane Borthwick, 1813-1897

 

Wake-Up Songs:

My first wake up song was very early; 4am on April 2, 2006.  I thanked God for adding a song to his wonderful alarm clock for prayer time.  Two days later, I was awoken even earlier (3am) by hearing a different song.   It would not have surprised me that much if it was a song recently heard.  A song is always running thru my head; usually whatever song I heard last.  If I do not have focus on something then I am humming it.  (Got in trouble from plenty of teachers and employers due to that  personality glitch.)  So maybe I have just started triggering music at odd times.  But my wake up song was almost always something I had not heard for years; and usually either a hymn or a love song.  My default song is “Who will buy this wonderful morning (from the musical “Oliver”) and it is really odd to hear a song in my brain when I have not heard the song from outside my brain first.

During that year (2006-2007) I woke very early morning at least every other day, with a song playing in my head.  I would quietly get out of bed, trying not to wake my husband, figure out what song I was hearing, and write as much as I remembered of the lyrics.  Almost always they were either an answer to a question I had asked in prayer, or they prepared for the near future.

But within a few months, many of the songs sounded like I had some very negative changes coming up.  I started getting scared … and I mean it got to where it REALLY scared me.  June 13th I heard ” Blue Shadows on the Trail”, which I had not heard since childhood.  Then June 14th I had “Empty Saddles in the old corral”.  I spoke to my Pastor, because with my past experience of dreams and premonitions that came true, this was really scaring me.

“How do I tell what is a message from God, and what is from my subconscious mind? Looking back, it APPEARS that God has “spoken” through dreams, feelings, and words (as well as, of course, scripture).  I had thought my wake-up songs were from Him, but are they really? ”

Pastor said he did not have much experience with things like this that really came to pass, but sent me to a couple other folk.  Also he reassured me that, with my increasing dis-Abilities, he did not really think these songs forecasting hardship and change meant terrible things for my loved ones, but was possibly just saying to prepare for more intensively difficult times for myself.  “Empty saddles includes not only those who are dead — but simply those who are no longer able to ride.”

One of my most emotional wake up songs was 5:30 on June 22, 2006, when I woke to the phrase: “Love me; that’s all I ask of you” from Phantom of the Opera.  Most of the songs gave instructions to love, rest, or count blessings, but an amazing amount of songs had the instructions to “SING !!!”  The others spoke to preparing for hardship.

We now theorize I had my first tiny stroke February 1999.  I had become both cognitively and physically dis-Abled by the year 2000, but it all began in 1976, and even tho I spent months with some of the top specialists, doctors were never able to figure out the root of my many problems.  I began using a wheelchair during the year 2000, and my dis-Abilities were still increasing in 2006.

Wake up songs continued thru 2006 and into 2007.

During 2007, we figured out it was a combination of several tick-borne diseases, including both Lyme and Babesia.  I began an  intensive treatment regime which resulted in my writing that I couldn’t eat, sleep, or do anything except huddle, shaking, in a fetal position on the couch.

At 1:15am on Sept 22, 2007, my wake up was “… because I love you, just the way you look tonight”.  I wrote in my journal, “what a forgotten, wonderful song.”

I quit writing down the songs on Sept 24, 2007.  “If these are from G-d, then why does no one else get wake-up songs?”  I was seriously questioning source of the songs, and that phase of my life trickled to a close.  Now I get a wake-up song once in a while, but not often.

It has been months, or maybe even a year since I have had a wake-up song, and with my dementia symptoms “Be Still My Soul” is oh so very apropos, especially on my second day of being unsupervised and my dementia symptoms reflect an increase from stress.  (I was too sick to go with husband to go for several days of visiting my adult children, and picking up various purchases that had been ordered for pick-up along the driving route.)

I would still love confirmation, but highly suspect these songs are Creator giving me an early-morning hug … and this morning I needed one (( smile )).  Some people get that affirmative hug from an absolutely unique albino bird visiting their back yard, or other unique experiences that “speak” to their particular soul.  Mine is a wake-up song  (( smile )).

Creator values me, and considers me important in the whole scheme of things.

… Just like YOU are, my friend.

Video Link: https://youtu.be/duGBIPEusks

* Admin issues: SHARE dementia awareness thru buttons below. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the form of comments, but please filter your comments with truthful loving kindness to all concerned. If interested in receiving notice of future blog postings, subscriptions are available through a “follow” button in the upper left corner (MS Explorer) or lower right (Safari, Mozilla Firefox and Chrome). If there is an advertisement below, I have no control over what is shown. My own full legal name is Truthful Loving Kindness. My current diagnosis is Mild Cognitive Impairment, but my neurologist said I am in a unique position for helping because I have “one foot in each door”. Copyright 2017-01/07.  Search terms: dementia, spiritual, music, be still my soul, Truthful Kindness.